All my life I’ve been told to talk more, speak up more, make more noises. 

Let me tell you, that is a waste of time. Instead of wasting energy on combating introversion, embrace it.

Do not waste time forcing yourself to talk more for the sake of talking. Allow yourself to immerse into the environment and people, figure out where you can contribute meaningfully. You will make more noise naturally because you found the right outlet and timing to do so.

So, do not appease the extrovert, no matter how oppressing. [1] You waste everyone’s time with meaningless repetitive comments for the sake of showcasing your voice if you give in. [2]

And do not worry, there’s always a fellow introvert somewhere in there who is silently rooting for you. After all, the loudest in the group are always the extroverts.

And as for the extroverts, my advice is really, leave the introverts alone. Don’t use quantity of voice heard as a measurement for contribution, but instead, use quality of meaningful things said as such.

Let yourself be, and things will follow, especially if you have the drive to make what you’re doing better.

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1. Granted, if they just don’t get it.. It’s time to leave that circle. Some people will just be assholes no matter what. That’s another post all together: there will always be assholes.

2. Because fuck teachers which use this as a measurement for “participation” grades. It’s really the worst.

I’ve been told to improve many, many times. And it’s always been true. I’m still paying my dues, learning, improving. I think I’ll always be on some front. [0]

However, I was once delivered this great insult: You lack depth. [1]

I know I spend tons of time sketching, sewing, doing things which do not contribute directly to my career. Hell, it’s not even just that: To tell me to stop “wasting time” on these things and to invest it into “more meaningful” projects is so lost. 

I’m not sure why all my life there was someone who was so compelled, someone who would proceed to put great effort into making me feel so miserable about the things I love. As much as I say I’m over this, it’s still too close for comfort.

Also, I know most do not think this. It’s the exception who did. And yet, it’s still the greatest insult, and I believe it be the greatest insult for anyone who cares about their craft. To say one lacks depth all while knowing about these loves is the greatest insult.

And to the rest of you, I’ll let you know…

And when I finish, I hope the journey will be a fulfilling one. And I hope I find my principle. [2]

…Then, it will continue.

I finally figured out how to articulate this.

fin. [3]

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0. Let’s be clear: I appreciate constructive critique. Maybe not at first, which is sadly a side effect of being sensitive, but definitely in retrospect. I’m admitting to that.

1. Perhaps using an iceberg here is a complete shallow, surface level depiction. However, when an audience sees an iceberg, they’ll think of the underneath majesty. That’s what I want you to see here… Look at anyone and all you see is the tip; do not force anything onto them because your insight is only the tip. That’s the lesson I want to convey. That’s what I want you to keep in mind. It’s also something I’m striving to keep in mind.

2. I just watched a great talk about this. It’s Bret Victor’s Inventing on Principle.

3. I think articulating it in blog form is especially useful. Thanks for your eyes.

A popular interview question as well as one which close friends may ask.. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

I’m going to take a  step back. 22.. 17.
So, if you asked me where I’d be seeing myself as a 22 y/o, as a 17 y/o, my answer would have been “Pursuing a masters degree in.. technical animation. Then applying for PhD.” Something wishy washy like that, aligned with the fact I thought pursuing the rote of degrees was the key to success. 
I definitely wouldn’t have said, “Just finished my masters degree in HCI and have an awesome job in the user experience design field with no intention of returning to academia anytime soon. Living in the SFBA with a 3x6ft whiteboard in my apartment trying to figure out something worth making for the long run.” That’s the tl;dr. There are so many details worth mentioning that would have never crossed my 17 year old mind. Like,

With that in mind, I need to stop asking myself this question. It really does yield no results. It’s not to say one shouldn’t have goals, but that the outcome of the future is unpredictable in the details. Instead of wasting time pondering about the future, more time needs to be spent actively working towards it.

22.. 27.
Who knows what and where I will be then.
I sure don’t.

And that’s all right.

~

tl;dr Having a vision is good. Just don’t sweat the details. Then you’ll never get there because you’re too busy wiping away the sweat.

Less of…

• Hacker News. Only consume digest and links recommended. 
• Twitter. Only consume via mobile. It is distracting otherwise. 
• Pinterest(?). Pin, do not visit site unless looking at a board for a specific task. 
• Reddit. 
• Facebook.

Use that time instead to…

1. Read books, actual books. 
2. Make things.

More concretely…

• Mobile sites, games, apps, sandboxes.
• Paintings.

Finally…
Make a point to unplug for 7 days / every season. Refresh the fact that the world goes on without you.

One thing I’ve never paid much attention to while in school were milestones in school. They are neatly cut-off by semesters, tucked into smaller deliverables determined by weeks.

It was fairly easy to know when to pump it up and when to slack a little. For example, the strain of powering through finals is met with a period of complete relaxation at the end, without that, it’d be hard to sustain that level of intensity.

My first 3 months out of this, I realize how it is really up to you, yourself, to scale life. Whether it’s about work, side projects, outings, budget, whatever, it’s up to you to manage that metric.

It’s a freedom and a curse, and something I will aim to master consciously now and throughout 2012.

Just a quick thought and realization today while having instant ramen.

Amongst all the great things which happened during my company design retreat, the greatest meta benefit for me personally was that the experience sharpened my focus for choosing the path I walk. I’m sharing this one piece specifically because it concisely puts out there, and serves as a reminder for myself, what my intentions are for life. [1]

Some context: the task was the choose 2 images. One which represented the goal, the other which represents a barrier which stands between you and goal.

Goal. I’m interested in creating something. But I have no idea what. Hence, here’s a blueprint sketch with a blackbox and a question mark. All I know now is that it needs to be of good, positive impact on the world.

I drew this in a few seconds using Sketchbook Xpress for mobile.

Barrier. And, the first step is to shed my baggage. There are just so many things from the past I still admit to having the hardest time getting over. I will eventually dispell these inhibiting experiences which prevent the fullest. On a good course - the first step: Knowing I deserve better, so each experience from here on out are in my control.

p.s. this painting is I’ll Take You to the River by Lora Zombie.

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1. Subject to change, of course. But I doubt it’d stray far from this.

Lately, I’ve been frustrated with myself, mostly over nothing.

When you were graduating high school, you felt like the shit: getting into a college, preparing to leave home, embarking on a new adventure. Then, once arriving, it quickly becomes clear you are, once again, at the bottom of the food chain.

“What the fuck am I doing? I don’t know what I’m doing.”

That’s the sentiment.

It takes time to figure out how to manage college life. Pick the right classes. Eat and sleep just enough to get by. Capitalize on this freedom while still not sinking.

And, by the time college senior year rolls around, you were once again the shit. Your resume plump and perfected after many iterations. Your class schedule awesome, sleeping in to the minute becomes an easy science. Then you get a job.

Now, I am there at the beginning of the job phase. And sometimes, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, once again, thrusted from the high throne to the lower ranks.

If it were illustrated via flowchart, it might be like this.

I find that this is how I progress in picking up skills: the beginning is always the hardest. And then there’s a moment where I figure out that one stupidly silly thing which was hampering me all along.. [1]

I wrote this as a reminder to myself that it takes time to learn the ropes, get the hang of everything, optimize for success in every period of one’s life. I should really stop beating myself up for things like not knowing how insurance works and being unable to effectively squeeze in side project time. Also, just to admit it. I think this blogsketchthing has too much gratuitous advice wrapped in anecdotes. I am human too.

—

1. This - Stop Doing Stupid Shit.

My parents have always, and still, measure success by prestige. [1] 

They would’ve loved to say “My daughter go to Harvard.”
Now, they would love to say “My daughter work at Google.” [2]

But I actively rejected both paths.

My mum always makes a point to tell me the latest funnies in explaning me to other parents. It usually involves: statement, confusion, attempted proof, disbelief.

“Blah, blah, Carnegie Mellon.” 
‘Gua she me?’ (Melon fruit what? for nonspeakers.)
“Blah, Pittsburgh, blah, snow, cold, blah, masters in 4 years.”
‘I don’t believe you.’

It wasn’t until both degrees were in her hands any of the others really believed her. It irks me that it has to be this way. Not the fact that other parents like using me as a prime example of weirdo, but that my mum has to expend all this effort into proving these things are true. She can’t just talk about it. If it were Harvard and Google, then it’d somehow be taken as true. That’s how it is for everyone else.

I despise how prestige is how things are measured in this world [3], how it is everything. But, in the end, it’s my life, I only get one, and I shall spend it the way I wish. You should too. [4] I’m telling you now because it took me 20 years to realize this. I turned 22 less than a month ago. 

I don’t know how to solve, persay, this clash of ideals, but I felt like writing it out. 

I wish I could say my parents supported my creativity at the ripe age of 6 or are technologists themselves, but it isn’t the case. I can’t write an about page bio full of enriching childhood stories like all the others or post a picture of young me next to an old machine. [5] 

Again, I just wanted to say to anyone who’s growing up with this clash of ideals: You should really pursue what you’re passionate about and all will follow. Do it.

—
1. Sorry, I know I talk about this a lot.
2. Grammar is wrong on purpose.
3. Tiger parent world.
4. Yes - A one person audience was in mind as I composed this.
5. This post may be a byproduct of recent portfolio stalking of some designers and developers I admire. I’m honestly jealous of their childhood stories. It gives me the fuzzies to read them. And the jellies.